The bathtub was invented in 1850 and the telephone in 1875. In other words, if you had been living in 1850, you could have sat in the bathtub for 25 years without having to answer the phone. ~Bill DeWitt, 1972


The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. ~Fran Lebowitz


Middle age: When you're sitting at home on Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. ~Ogden Nash


I like my new telephone, my computer works just fine, my calculator is perfect, but Lord, I miss my mind! ~Author Unknown


I'd rather sit down and write a letter than call someone up. I hate the telephone. ~Henry Miller


Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. ~Ambrose Bierce


A woman is a person who reaches for a chair when she answers the telephone. ~Milton Wright


If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting? ~Stephen Levine


Cell phones are the latest invention in rudeness. ~D.H. Mondfleur


Some one invented the telephone,
And interrupted a nation's slumbers,
Ringing wrong but similar numbers.
~Ogden Nash, Look What You Did, Christopher


I'd play every day if I could. It's cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart. ~Brent Musburger


I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health, love and abundance. Then, whenever doubt, anxiety or fear try to call me, they keep getting a busy signal - and soon they'll forget my number. ~Edith Armstrong


Words from the past: "It's a clever idea, Mr. Bell, but don't wire us, we'll wire you." ~Robert Brault,


It is my heart-warmed and world-embracing Christmas hope and aspiration that all of us, the high, the low, the rich, the poor, the admired, the despised, the loved, the hated, the civilized, the savage (every man and brother of us all throughout the whole earth), may eventually be gathered together in a heaven of everlasting rest and peace and bliss, except the inventor of the telephone. ~Mark Twain, Christmas greeting, 1890


If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me. ~Song title by Jimmy Buffet


I don't answer the phone. I get the feeling whenever I do that there will be someone on the other end. ~Fred Couples


As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. ~Fran Lebowitz, Social Studies


Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up. ~Evelyn Hendrickson